January 14, 2007
Scripture
Proverbs
12:13-25
13 An evil man is trapped
by his sinful talk,
but a righteous man escapes trouble.
14 From the
fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things
as surely as the work of his hands rewards
him.
15 The way of a
fool seems right to him,
but a wise man listens to advice.
16 A fool shows
his annoyance at once,
but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
17 A truthful
witness gives honest testimony,
but a false witness tells lies.
18 Reckless
words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
19 Truthful
lips endure forever,
but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.
20 There is
deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil,
but joy for those who promote peace.
21 No harm
befalls the righteous,
but the wicked have their fill of trouble.
22 The LORD
detests lying lips,
but he delights in men who are truthful.
23 A prudent
man keeps his knowledge to himself,
but the heart of fools blurts out folly.
24 Diligent
hands will rule,
but laziness ends in slave labor.
25 An anxious
heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up.
Ephesians
4:14-32
14Then
we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown
here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of
men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things
grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined
and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in
love, as each part does its work.
17So I tell you this,
and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do,
in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened
in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the
ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over
to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust
for more.
20You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance
with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with
regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being
corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in
the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new
self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak
truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go
down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the
devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal
no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he
may have something to share with those in need.
29Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building
others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were
sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all
bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of
malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION (r).
Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
January 14, 2007
Communicating with One Another
It
was through the oft-quoted study by Albert Mehrabian, that we first began to measure
the reality that communication is more than words we say. Mehrabian’s study,
and numerous studies which followed, reveal that when humans communicate face
to face, only about 7% of their communication comes from the words which are spoken.
Surprisingly, 38% of our communication happens through the tone of our voices,
and 55% happens through body language, especially our facial expressions.
I
know that some of you are familiar with the name and work of Charles Spurgeon,
a well-known 19th century British Baptist preacher. But you may not
have heard a comment made to his students, when speaking of the importance of
facial expression in communication: He said:
"When you speak of heaven, let your face light up.
When you speak of hell—well, then your everyday face
will do."
Now
I am not here today proclaiming that Mehrabian’s research on communication is
“gospel”.... I suspect that other studies came up with slightly different, but comparable
numbers. My point is this, communication is most definitely a complex process which
can draw people closer together, or cause people to distance themselves from
one another. And since Christian faith is all about relationships; our
God-initiated reconciled relationship with Him through Jesus Christ, and our
reconciled relationships with one another, I though it helpful, in fact practical
to ask
“What does the
Bible teach us
about our
communication with one another?”
Last week we considered how God communicates
with us by Word & Spirit and how we are invited to join in a continual
dialogue through prayer.
But
this week, I am wondering what the Bible can teach us about our communication
with one another, which will help us grow stronger as friends, as spouses, and
as a unified Body of Christ chosen to reveal God’s Kingdom in this world. So I
asked God the question:
What are the essentials of godly communication with
others?
And the first answer I received was
that....
1. It
is essential that we recognize that our communication, like our whole lives, is
to be holy; that is, “set apart” from the norm.
It is within the context of Peter’s analogy
of Christ Jesus being the “cornerstone” and us being “living stones” begin
built into a
1 Peter 2:9-12
..... you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy
nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who
called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a
people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but
now you have received mercy.
Dear friends,
I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful
desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans
that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and
glorify God on the day he visits us.
As people called to be holy, to be aliens
and strangers in the world, when we speak we are to speak a language “set
apart” from others; a language becoming a child of God.
“Communication”, as taught by teachers and professors
in our schools and universities, provides us with good, but incomplete
information. In Matthew 10:16, Jesus is sending His disciples out into the
world to convey the truth of the
You
see, there is a lot we can learn about human interaction when we study specific
topics like communication, or general subjects like psychology. There is a lot
we can learn in this world that will make us stronger, shrewder people. But as
disciples of Christ, we have something that those who choose not to follow
Jesus lack. We have Jesus; we have His teachings and His examples to follow.
And as we practice that, we will be set apart from the norm. We may learn important things about
communication when we read classics like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends
and Influence People, but if we let Jesus be Lord of our lives, we will
learn that communication is not something we manipulate for our own good, but something
we do well and do consistently for the sake of others.
I believe I’ve mentioned before an all-men
Super Bowl party I attended a few years ago at my neighbor’s house. Many of the
guys there knew each other and were very comfortable sharing conversation throughout
the game. As the game wore on, the language declined as beverages were consumed
and frustration set in.
A
few days later, Carole laughed as she told me about running into the wife of
one of these men. Evidently, after I had gone home from my neighbor’s party,
this man had asked him what I did for a living, which caused him to go home and
confess his guilt to his wife saying: “If I had known he was a pastor I would
have watched my language!”
It
is not my belief that we are called to be the moral police for the behavior of
others, which is why I did not try to control the language during the game.
(I’m glad this man felt a tinge of guilt... it tells me that God’s Spirit is at
work in his life), but I can’t help but reflect on the importance of allowing
our language to continually reflect our identity as God’s Children; as followers
of Christ. I’m glad that my language stayed in check that afternoon. Perhaps
others noticed my ability to have fun and enjoy the game without compromising
who we are by God’s grace.
When
our communication sets us apart from the norm, it is not an issue of “holier than
thou”; it’s more like a “holier for thou” issue, as we offer a better
example for peers as well as for new generation to consider.
When I asked God “What are the essentials
of godly communication with others?”, I was told that how we communicate should
set us apart from others. I was also told that it is essential that:
2. When we communicate with one another we are to
speak truth in love.
1. Speaking
truth
In the passage we just read from
Ephesians 4 we are told that amid the confusing, babbling and corrupt messages
that cause so many people to mature in the ways of the world, Paul declares;
Ephesians 4:15, 21,25,29
15 Instead, speaking the
truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is,
Christ. ....... 21 Surely you heard of him and
were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.....
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak
truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but
only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it
may benefit those who listen.
Truth-telling is at the core of being a
follower of Jesus.
-
The devil is referred to as “the father of lies” (John 8:44),
-
while Jesus referred to himself as “the way, the truth and
the life”(John 14:6).
-
The gospel is also referred to as the truth by which we
live. (Ephesians 1:3) and
-
we are equipped by God with the “belt of truth” to stand
against the devil’s schemes. (Ephesians 6:14)
There
is no doubt that we are to speak truth, when we communicate, but
2. An essential modifier to that calling is that we are to speak truth in love
We are to speak truth with words of love,
in a tone of love, and with gestures of love.
The first century church in
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but
have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries
and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not
love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body
to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Before you communicate truth, let love guide your words,
your tone and your actions.
I asked God what were the essentials of
godly communication, and He told me that godly people are set apart from others
when they learn to speak truth in love. So I asked:
How do we love one
another as we communicate with them?
God’s Word gave the answers:
a. We
love others when we pause and listen before we speak.
This is basic knowledge in communication
theory, but how do we as brothers and sisters in Christ, as married couples, or
even as a nation pause and listen before we speak? One has to appreciate the
observation of Dr. Paul Tournier, a well-respected Psychiatrist and author:
“Listen to the
conversations of our world, between nations as well as those between couples.
They are for the most part dialogues of the deaf” –
Dr. Paul Tournier
But it is not just psychiatrists and
communication theory which offers us encouragement to listen carefully for what
someone is saying to us; God has been telling us that as well for al long time:
James 1:19-20
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be
quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does
not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
Proverbs 18:13
He who answers before listening—
that is his folly and his shame.
The Psalmist lifts up God as exhibiting this
trait for listening; a God who truly knows our thoughts before we even speak
yet still listens to our cries for help:
Psalm 40:1
1 I
waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
What traits help us to communicate more
effectively through better listening? Well, some of the fruits of God’s Spirit
come to mind: kindness, self-control and
patience (especially when we allow a person time for silence and reflection). The
Bible also encourages our holding of others in high esteem.
Philippians 2:3-4
3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain
conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but
also to the interests of others.
For when we do that, when we esteem one
another above ourselves, we are anxious to hear and consider the opinions of all people. When we believe
as Dr. Paul Tournier believed that every person he met was sent to him from
God, then we deepen our desire to become better listeners before we speak truth
into a situation.
We
love others as we pause and listen before we speak, and
b. We also love others when we consider with
who we are speaking.
I know that teachers and parents and
grandparents understand what I am saying: anyone who has significantly
interacted with more than one child. For isn’t it true that what works for one
child may not work for the next?
And
when we talk about relationships, can you imagine yourself treating all your
friends the same way? Of course not. Common sense tells us that we communicate
differently to our children than we do other adults. We even communicate
differently between different children and different adults.
The
title of the book alone “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus”, points us to
the truth that men and women have differences we must take into account for
health relationships to grow.
A
more recent and effective tool, written by Christian author Gary Chapmen called
The Five Love Languages, pushes spouses to better understand how their
mate primarily receives love. Chapman’s description of five primary languages
(Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving
Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch) just emphasizes differences we
can become aware of if we are serious about communicating well with every
person.
And
surely, it is an act of speaking truth in love, because it takes a sacrifice of
prayer and time to consider the needs of others before you say what you want to
say.
How
important it is to keep in mind Paul’s advice from Romans 15; a description of
how we can love one another, but also a reminder of our Lord Jesus’ love for
us:
Romans 15:1-3
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of
the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for
his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is
written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."
This
morning, I hope this message, built around the Word of God, will help us to be
better communicators. For as Children of God... a people chosen to live
different than the norm, we have the privilege of modeling Jesus’ communication
as we live as spouses, as spiritual brothers and sisters, and as neighbors in
the world.
But
let us not forget, that when we communicate as Jesus did, there is primary
benefit to those who receive truth in love; they receive healing. We
heard earlier in our reading from Proverbs 12:
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
When we think about our model for living, our model for
communicating, Jesus Christ; when we think of the words he shared, the
compassion on His face, and the actions he took when communicating with people
of his day; do we not witness the healing that comes when truth is spoken in
love? Do we not witness that:
-
in the woman at the well,
-
in the man born blind,
-
in the leper whom Jesus touched,
-
in the woman caught in adultery but not
condemned by Jesus.
Today you have the power to
share the
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION (r).
Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
|
:: back to main :: All images and text protected by copyright © Copyright 2007 Community Covenant Church of Hopkinton All Rights Reserved. |