January 21, 2007
Scripture
Matthew 18:15-35
(This morning’s scripture reading helps us to focus
our attention upon “conflict resolution”, and upon our attitude going into such
a task.)
15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his
fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your
brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or
two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of
two or three witnesses. 17If he refuses to listen to
them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church,
treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will
be[c]bound
in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree
about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I
with them."
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many
times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven
times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but
seventy-seven times.
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who
wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he
began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was
brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the
master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be
sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient
with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The
servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his
fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to
choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him,
'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man
thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When
the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went
and told their master everything that had happened.
32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked
servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant
just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him
over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you
unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
1 John 1:8-10
8 If we claim to be
without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our
sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we
claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no
place in our lives.
January 21, 2007 - MESSAGE
It’s All About
Relationships – Part 3
“Conflict Resolution”
Conflict
is a part of any relationship involving human beings. Any. Simply put, being
human means you will experience conflict. Just read your newspaper, your
internet news source, or watch the evening news. What perhaps constitutes 90%
the “news” we take in is not in fact “news”; it‘s simply the age-old reality of
human conflict, being played out in differing venues: conflict
-
between nations,
-
between politicians and political parties,
-
between people and their towns,
-
between family members & neighbors,
-
between students, and even
-
between friends.
In fact, it is my
experience that the more intimate the relationship, the greater the opportunity
for conflict. And unfortunately, that reality keeps many people from developing
close friendships in the first place.
Conflict
is manifested in all human relationships, as it is manifested in our
relationship with God. So the question before us this morning is not whether
human beings experience conflict, but how we can do so with a common goal of
reconciling with one another. For if we can understand “how”, then
relationships have a chance to grow in both number and in depth.
As
we continue, this winter, to examine crucial aspects of “relationships”, I want
us to consider how we in the Church are called by God to reveal His presence to
others (to glorify God in this world) by how we resolve the conflicts we have
with each another. Today I point us, as I hope I always do, to Jesus Christ as
our model for understanding “how” we resolve conflicts, for indeed it was in
Jesus Christ that God reconciled our broken relationship with Him. As the
Apostle Peter proclaimed:
1 Peter 2:10
10Once
you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not
received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
And that happened because of Jesus.
As we consider how we can resolve the
conflicts we have with one another, conflicts that are always threatening our
relationships, let us ask how God chose to “resolve” or to reconcile the
conflict of our sin and His holiness which had broken our relationship with Him.
How
did God choose to reconcile the conflict that separated us from Him?
1. God came to us
with power for us, not over us. (The cross is our constant reminder of this
truth.)
I
know you have heard me say that before. And, if you are familiar with the preaching
& writings of Pastor Gregory Boyd (
a. The
power is God’s Word; Jesus the Word of God incarnate, and the written Word,
God’s Holy Scriptures.
As the writer of Hebrews put it:
Hebrews 4:12
.... the word of God is living and active. Sharper than
any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints
and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
And this power of God’s Word has been
entrusted to us to further His Kingdom. As Paul reminded Christians in
We do so as Jesus did....
b. We exercise the power of God with all
humility.
In
Jesus case, he presented pure truth, while still allowing room for others to willingly
change. In our case, we do our best to present
God’s truth, but humbly leave room for change; not only for others to change,
but for ourselves to change as well.
For
one of the big differences between us and Jesus is that we have been affected/infected
by sin, and we must always approach any conflict we have with others with the
possibility that we are wrong, or at least, that we have even in some small
way, contributed to the conflict which threatens our relationship with another.
When
I do premarital counseling we consider the families from which the bride and
groom come, because those families;
-
their worldviews,
-
their underlying philosophies and examples set for
childrearing and discipline,
-
their methods of communicating with one another, will all
have an effect in the marital relationship of the bride and groom. In many
ways, marriage brings together two imperfect people from imperfect families,
and yet newlyweds are still surprised when they find themselves having conflict
with one another?! How quickly the honeymoon is over! Go figure, huh! Time for
a divorce, right? (At least in
In
our relationships with one another, we are called to present God’s truth, but
in humility we must leave space not only for others to change, but for us to be
wrong and to change as well according to God’s Word.
Perhaps
some of you subscribe to our denominational magazine, The Covenant Companion.
If not, let me encourage you to do so. If you can have only one monthly
Christian magazine coming to your home, this is a great one. One of the regular
columns found in “The Companion” is written by Dr. John Phelan. I know him as
Jay... he was my Greek Teacher, and for a time was the Dean of North Park Seminary.
Today he serves as President of the Seminary, and is perhaps the most
theologically astute person I personally know. His columns are always
though-provoking and usually controversial. And on many occasions they end with
the phrase, “But then again, I might be wrong.”
I
know that Matt has noticed this as well... and like me, appreciates Jay’s
balance of proclaiming Biblical truth with humility, for in so doing Jay Phelan
leaves room for discussion... he leaves room for God’s Spirit to work both in
the thoughts of the reader and in his own thinking.
A
dialogue remains open when we stand on God’s Word while acknowledging the
possibility that we may have poorly understood that Word. What is equally
enjoyable for me other than reading Jay’s columns, is to read the “Letters to
the Editor” responding to the previous month’s column. Good discussion, new
perspectives... spiritual growth for all.
From
a practical standpoint, this basic truth about human sinfulness and conflict
resolution is seen in any good counseling situation. If you were to come to me
with your spouse or with a friend, seeking resolution to a problem, the first
question I would seek an answer from each person would be “How do you
contribute to the problem?” The only Being I would never ask that question of is
God.. for only God is holy, righteous, and pure. Only God perfectly loves,
never fails, and is faithful in all things. We are not! And the reason we must
learn how to resolve our conflict with one another, is that each one of us has
a responsibility in creating it. Truly, the only being who can ever say “I did
nothing wrong.” is God.
Christians are called to model Jesus’
humility by exercising the power of God’s Word for other, and not over others.
But we are also to imitate the reality that
2.
God came to us initiating reconciliation.
This
is perhaps one of the ways in which we as Jesus’ followers are called to differ
most from others. And indeed we will be different, if we model our actions
after Jesus and become initiators in resolving conflict.
-Isn’t
it human nature to expect the wrongdoer to initiate reconciliation?
-Don’t
we coach a child to go up and apologize when they hurt another child? But, how many of us have actually
helped our
children to approach someone who has hurt them; to describe the hurt and then offer forgiveness,
so that a relationship
is not lost?
How often do we as teenagers or adults take
the initiative as “peacemakers”; those who take the lead to initiate
reconciliation; an identity to which the Children of God are called to embrace?
(Matthew 5:9)
Our
model in conflict resolution is Jesus. Do you remember Paul’s words in
Romans 5:7-8
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though
for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But
God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us.
God
took the initiative. He did not wait for the “wrongdoer” to come and repent. God
literally came to us, and did what was necessary for us to experience
resolution to our conflict; to be reconciled in our relationship with Him.
And
as it is true in human relationships, full reconciliation eventually requires
both parties..... you and I must accept God’s gracious work in Christ to be
reconciled, even as our friends must accept our initiative to resolve our
conflict with them, so that our relationships can be mended.
The
blessed secret to the “how” of reconciliation, is that we, as followers of
Christ, initiate the process. And we heard those instructions earlier, didn’t
we:
Matthew 18:15
"If your brother sins against you, go and
show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have
won your brother over.
Take the initiative, one-on-one. Don’t
gather round a “posse” of like-minded friends to stand with you against this
person until you have first initiated a reconciliation with that person; and
only then if they avoid reconciliation. For the ultimate goal is resolution to
the conflict.
Within
the Church there will always be conflict; that’s because we are human. We will
disagree over some issues of lesser importance, but those “lesser” issues have
the power to threaten our relationships. In those cases I see the Covenant’s
decision to “Agree to Disagree” great wisdom, for it allows people of differing
opinion to worship side by side, and to grow together in the Lord. Over time,
those disagreements fall by the wayside as we grow to value relationships over
opinions.
Now
there will be areas where theological conflict requires a corporate resolution,
and Matthew 18 gives instruction when an individual or group is unwilling to
humbly seek reconciliation.
Today
there is not a Christian denomination which has not experienced the pain of
broken relations as brothers and sisters in Christ split over issues like
baptism, communion, and church leadership. The
The
witness of the Church in the world today is that it sure looks that way. But,
even now, differing churches and denominations are laying aside their
differences in order to establish common mission work and ministries to the
poor, hungry and naked. As they unite to worship together, to find common song
and to unite their hearts in prayer, the world will begin to see more clearly
the reconciling power of God. Recently I read of the
>>>
When Christians initiate the work of reconciliation, attempting to resolve the
conflict we have with one another, and do so humbly, allowing the Word of God in
Christ and the Scriptures to change us all, the world will see God’s
reconciling power.
Conflict
resolution is a difficult process, for it asks those who have been wounded to
humbly initiate an action through which they may have to change their own way
of thinking and acting. But it is an extremely important aspect of our faith,
for our relationships with one another are intertwined with our relationship
with God. You may recall Jesus teaching in His “Sermon on the Mount” teaching:
Matthew 5:23-24
.... if you are offering
your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something
against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be
reconciled to your brother;
then come and offer your gift.
Jesus also tied our
relationships with one another to our relationship with God when He taught us
when praying to say
Luke 11:4
Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who
sins against us.
Jesus parable of the wicked unforgiving
servant, we read earlier in Matthew 18, reinforces the extreme importance of us
modeling our reconciliation with one another after His reconciling work for us.
As
we, the family of faith known as Community Covenant, work together toward the
common goal of furthering the
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION (r).
Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
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